Gratitude Weekly
Subscribe
Cover photo

Gratitude for Aliveness

"Tell the darkness I did not die."

Alex Elle

Nov 28, 2021
4

"Tell the darkness I did not die" is what I read on her sweatshirt as we passed each other in the mall. Behind my mask, I gasped. Oh, no, I thought—I'm going to cry in a mall full of people. When she looked up at me, holding her boyfriend's hand, I looked away. Too emotional to make eye contact.

Tell the darkness I did not die.

My eyes started to water, and my heart began to beat fast. Wow, I thought—what a message. Emotions have been high lately. I feel like I can't control them most days. Weepy and moved at the smallest things, ready to cry at every turn. This heightened emotion didn't start until I began walking 70 days ago. I mean, I'm emotional but not this emotional. Deep waves of feelings move through me like the ocean and hit me out of nowhere. My empathy and compassion radar constantly pick up on the energy around me to know more about people and their stories.

Photo from Day 68

I want to know that young woman's story. I wanted to know about the darkness she faced and the healing she's experienced. Tell the darkness I did not die has been on my mind since last week. While I walked through the mall, I caught myself needing to stop and take some deep breaths. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I'd become overcome with emotions.

Immediately, I texted Libby DeLana, the author of Do/Walk—the book that got me walking in the first place. I hadn't signed up to be emotionally impacted by daily walks in this way, but I was absolutely getting what I didn't ask for.

Photo from Day 68

AE: I feel so teary all the damn time. Just by looking at people and the world around me, I want to cry.

LD: I think it's because we are consciously moving at the speed of the natural world. We are genuinely in the same beautiful, energetic place as all other living beings. We are IN the world with the rest of the world.

Goddammit, I thought. I already feel deeply as it is—I don't think my heart can take any more feelings. Walking has impacted me on what feels like a cellular level. How on earth is it reprograming me like this?

Libby has must have known I was feeling like this because of the morning walks. She followed up.

LD: We were born to walk. We are lucky to be able-bodied. Adding motion to emotion is a powerful healing tool. Walking for me gently massages my buried emotions reminding me that I'm seen and safe.

I smiled, reading her texts, and was reminded that walking isn't just to get from point A to point B. It's not just this thing we do every day. We are invited to slow down and truly see if we pay attention while we walk and move through the world. We are asked to look at people and not past them. We are invited to hold space for ourselves and others. We are triggered to wonder what pain and joy people carry—how the darkness didn't kill them and how the light welcomes us to try again.

Never have I gotten moved by walking around the mall shopping. But every step I have taken since starting this journey 70 days ago reminds me that I am being invited to look up, ground down, and tune in.

Photo from today, Day 70.

Community: Leave your gratitude moments in the comments or email me: gratitude@alexelle.com

Calls to Action

  1. Watch my Scenes from Sabbatical, PT.1 here.

  2. Do our Gratitude Meditation on Ritual. Today we are focused on "Home." Listen here.

  3. This.

Thank you so much for reading Gratitude Weekly. If you like this newsletter, please subscribe here and share it with a friend.

Subscribe for free to Gratitude Weekly
By subscribing, you agree to share your email address with Alex Elle to receive their original content, including promotions. Unsubscribe at any time. Meta will also use your information subject to the Bulletin Terms and Policies
4

More from Gratitude Weekly
See all

Gratitude Challenge: Week 1

Think of me and this newsletter as your accountability partners.
May 2
17
37

5 Tips to Start a Gratitude Journaling Practice

We often overlook the little things. The micro-moments in our lives are worthy of our attention.
Apr 20
14
31

Gratitude for Grace (Week 3)

There's nothing wrong with us needing or having to begin again.
May 18
11
8
Comments
Log in with Facebook to comment

4 Comments

  • Soraya Latiff
    I was just telling my partner today how when I'm outside or looking out the window at folks, it's so easy for me to cry as I become overwhelmed with how much we all carry, what we have to be grateful for, and how much we are each surviving, especially …
    See more
    • 29w
    • Author
      Alex Elle
      Thank you so much for reading and sharing your reflections, Soraya. I am right there with you! XO
      • 28w
  • Silvana Ordoñez
    ❤
    • 29w
    • Author
      Alex Elle
      Thank you for reading, Silvana!
      • 28w
Share quoteSelect how you’d like to share below
Share on Facebook
Share to Twitter
Send in Whatsapp
Share on Linkedin
Privacy  ·  Terms  ·  Cookies
© Meta 2022
Discover fresh voices. Tune into new conversations. Browse all publications