We made it to 2022! Happy New Year. Today, I did my 104th-morning walk in Arizona. It's beautiful here, and I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and ease. Ease is one of my favorite words. I've been in town since the 28th. I'm here teaching at Civana until the 5th, and wow, has it been an experience. I am in love with this place, the energy, the chilly weather, and the warmth of the people. I've missed teaching and sharing space in person. There's nothing like it.
Every year, my husband and I make a list of intentions. This year is my first year without him in nine years. He's home with the kids while I teach. I made my list and shared them with him through text. Making my list of what I intend to do or feel is my favorite part of the new year. I love the illusion of fresh starts—the start of a new week, the start of a new project, the beginning of a new year—each brings me this feeling and sense of giddiness and possibility.
One thing I intended to leave in 2021, was my self-doubt. I've carried that with me long enough. Not believing in myself, or being too scared to try something new, has kept me stuck in many ways. Working through this is a work in progress that I am committed to practicing. In my Writing to Heal class the other day, we wrote letters to our self-doubt. I wanted to share mine with you. As 2021 came to a close, I realized that I am so worthy of the love, care, and belief that I pour into others. How I talk to myself is not how I speak to others. How I love others is not always how I love myself. I want that to change.
In 2022, I intend to be my own greatest cheerleader, my own greatest lover, my own best friend. This is the year of emotional expansion and inner connection.
I know you are here because I've failed before. You've seen me at my lowest point and stuck by me at my peak. It's always been you and me. Maybe it's time to part ways, give each other space and time to breathe and heal. Perhaps you're back to check-in or wish me well with that "little thing" I'm trying to do. Our bond is unhealthy. You make me feel small and incapable. You make me feel like I don't matter. But your presence is starting to remind me that I have a choice—a choice to try anyway—to show up regardless and be who I want to be in the world. Despite you being in tow, I can be who I want to be in the world. I don't fear your presence like I once did. You are a teacher these days. You remind me that I get to press forward and do that little or big thing regardless. I can create the life I want. I can design the life I see for myself. It's not lost on me that we've come a long way together, and now it is time for you to go your way and me to go mine. I am choosing self-trust over self-doubt. Thank you for teaching me how to become stronger with every step. I am grateful to you.
Friends, I wish you all a safe, prosperous, and life-filling 2022! Thank you for being here with me.
Write a letter to your self-doubt and see what emerges.