After being at Civana teaching for nine days, I've been propelled back into my very real, beautiful, and messy life. I didn't realize how much I needed time away, in my own space, until I got back home. I missed my husband and kids a lot, but I also missed my solitude—something neither Ryan nor I get very often. It hit me when I got off the plane Thursday, and I had to haul tail to the car because our youngest projectile vomited everywhere. She gets carsick. The ride was going smoothly—my husband said—until it wasn't. If that didn't scream Welcome home! We missed you. I'm not sure what does.
I was back in the swing thing of things immediately! I couldn't help but smile as we drove off from DCA. Fifty napkins, 25 wipes, and changing a toddler's soiled clothes in the back of our truck later—I was home again. And this, unlike the super slow living I was doing in Carefree, Arizona (YES! that is the real city name) was my real life. I thank God that my husband and I collect napkins for no reason because we would've been S.O.L if we didn't have them tucked away in the glove compartment. Life has a way of teaching us the most miniscule things—and humbling us after being away in a bliss bubble for over a week. I adore both experiences of life that I get to walk in—my family-work-from-home life and my travel-teaching-away from home life. They remind me how to be present in new ways. Being away and being home shows me firsthand how much I have to be grateful for.
Teaching in Arizona lit me on fire. I'd missed being in person so much. Diving deep, sharing stories, and leading people closer to themselves through writing and breathwork was a stunning reminder that I need community. Facilitating is the most remarkable thing for me in my work. I was nervous at first, unsure how I would do when I got there after not being in front of folks for so long. But even with my nerves, I was shown that I wasn't only starting over. I was also picking up where I left off. After my first class, I felt nervous. Imposter syndrome tried to kick in and distract me, but it didn't win. I stayed the course, and each day of workshopping and gathering felt easier than the last. I am so grateful for the opportunities to begin again. I realized the importance of not letting my inner voice of worry, uncertainty, and unworthiness rain on my parade.
I love my job because I created my career. I created the work and life that I have today for myself. It took me years and years to build this life of abundance and fulfillment. In my book, After the Rain, I talk about the journey to my career. It's hard to believe it's been ten years of self-employment, and each year keeps getting better. I keep getting better. Upon returning home, I felt grounded, proud, and deeply rooted in my calling. I can't say that was true before I left. I was nervous, scattered-brained, and unsure of myself. It'd been so long out of my element—but that was precisely what I needed. Just because it had been a while, that didn't mean I wasn't capable. I was simply starting over in a new way.
I am grateful for self-belief.
I am grateful for beginning again.
I am grateful for community.
I am grateful for self-trust.
I am grateful for creating the life I want.
What are you grateful for these first eight days of 2022?
What's filling you up?
How have you made yourself proud?
Answer these questions below in the comments, then dive deeper into the "why" on the pages of your journal.